Behold the Beauty that is an After-Christmas Sale

Christmas at the Bug house was its usual flurry of presents and family. We had a wonderful time opening and exchanging gifts, learning of my brother and sister-in-law's 4th pregnancy, and eating way too much good food.

As the years go by, B seems to know me better and better. He still needs an Amazon wishlist and still needs some direction, but otherwise he does really well. This year he and C went together to buy my gifts, something that normally doesn't happen. While roaming the mall, C kept insisting that I wanted diamond earrings (I didn't), and that I really needed a pair (I don't, I already have a pair, and very rarely wear earrings anyway). B ignored his gut feeling about the earrings and went ahead and bought a pair. When he came home and emptied his pockets on our dresser, he looked down and saw the earrings I already had lying in the jewelry box. What to do? Well, he gave them to me, along with the receipt and said, "I want to take these back and get something else, but I want you to go with me." Okay. So, along with the return of the ill-fated earrings and my Christmas money from my FIL and my parents, I got this...
for 50% off. Oh, how I love the after-Christmas sales.

P.S. Guess who who ended up with CZ earrings and thinks she's the bomb?

Secret Pal

For the last 18 months I have participated in a Secret Pal exchange with my June 2006 DTC group. In the beginning, the exchange was exciting and fun, but after 18 months and no end in sight, we decided to put an end to the SP exchange and support each other in different ways.

I have been a truly awful Secret Pal. Although I am grateful, my thanks have been sporadic, and I am beyond tardy with my part of the exchange. My poor Secret Pal hasn't received a gift since September. My heart just quit and the excitement about wrapping tiny dresses and tights, mini cardigans, and baby supplies that gather dust was just gone. This is my public apology to my poor Secret Pal who probably thinks we've dropped the program. We haven't dropped, I just dropped the ball while wallowing in my own self-pity.

Nevertheless, my Secret Pal, the one who sends to me, has never succumbed to the numbing depression and rage that surrounds this interminable wait. She has been a light of hope and kindness throughout these months of pining; a real trooper, you might say. My Secret Pal knows me. She took the time to pay attention to my likes and dislikes, my interests, and the things I value for my daughter-to-be. She acknowledged my hope that Ruby will be a reader and love books as much as I by including book in every package. My Secret Pal gave us Ruby's first trick-or-treat bag, memory book, and toys to be packed for China. She included B in the exchange by sending adorable onsies, T-shirts, and leggings that announce to the world that Ruby's daddy is a rocker and one cool dude. Her conscientious kindness to C's role of jie jie was always heartfelt, and is much, much appreciated. C proudly wears the "Adoption is Love" jelly bracelet, sent almost a year ago, every single day. I would love to post pictures, but my camera cord has been missing since April or May and I haven't replaced it. Take my word for it - she knows me.

Along the way, I began to have an inkling of who My Secret Pal was. Her gifts were too spot on, too close to home. I was amazed at how well she knew me. I figured she visited here, but some of her letters and poems would hit me in the gut and make me think - we've met or should meet, we've talked beyond this exchange. Needless to say, I wasn't too surprised to open my last package to see a flurry of these all over the wrapping paper surrounding a penguin bowling set, a book about penguins, and some awesome penguin pajamas (you are so getting a Christmas picture of Ruby in these!):

Krista, aka Special K, you have been more than a "pal" during these last 18 months, you have become my friend and oftentimes an anchor in this process. Every month your reminders that someone else is out there going through this, that we are not alone was at times, the only acknowledgement outside of B, C and me, that Ruby is coming. You have been my champion, my monthly remembrance, my reality check, and a never-say-die supporter, and I am eternally grateful.

Someday, we will meet, and when we see each other for the first time face-to-face, there will be no awkwardness, no "am I really going to like her" anxiety, and no hesitancy to hug tight and hold on.

Thank you my friend.

ARGH...but There's Good News too

ARGH:

~Brian and I have been trying to renew our I-171H renewal since August. Yeah. August. We are waiting on one person - Brian's HR bitch. Since our original home study, Brian was promoted and received a considerable raise which impacted our financial status. Because of this, our SW asked for a new letter to verify employment/salary. Every week he has asked his HR bitch for a letter, and every week the promises keep coming. NO letter. He can't go over her head because she's THE Head. Goddammit. I finally emailed our SW and told her the story, because I am sure she thinks we're giving up. She was totally cool about it. But still, how long does it take to write a freaking letter?

~ I have been crap sick for the last week. My doctor and I finally caved and tried a short Rx for 3-5 days of decongestants. I haven't taken a decongestant in probably 20 years because they make my heart beat erratically and make me incredibly hyper. Also, decongestants can cause a raise in blood pressure, so we've avoided them. Can we say Miracle Drug? Granted, I haven't slept more than 3-5 hours at a time in the last 3 days and my entire body is vibrating, but I Can Breathe.

~ I am having a baby shower for my friend Caroline in January. Since this little girl will probably be her one and only, I decided to do it up and ask my cousin to cater. Don't think I didn't pull the family card, because I so did. If not, looks like I'll be up to my elbows in meatballs and pasta salad next month.

Good News:

~ We do not have to pay any fees for our homestudy update!

~ I had a wonderful time at Biltmore with my bloggy posse. I don't think I want' to post more than that. Just good times with good, good friends. Oh how I love them.

~ C is doing really well (Knock Wood Now). The second medication has been in her system for a month, and we see a marked difference. Plus she has her incentives - Alex & Christmas.

~ My last class for the semester is tomorrow. Woot! In the spring, I am only taking one class so I can focus on my Residency Portfolio, which is my admission to candidacy and one giant step closer to dissertation and graduation.

~ Shannon leaves tomorrow to go to China to meet Miss Emily. I can't wait!

Blessings

Happy Thanksgiving, blogosphere. We've had some blessings over the past few weeks for which I am grateful.

~We introduced a second medication to C's treatment, and after 2 weeks of monitoring, we are starting to see some improvement. She also has an incentive to try harder; an incentive goes by the name of Alex. Alex is her "crush," and if she doesn't get to go to the next dance she, "Might.Just.DIE!" After I patiently explained to her that good behavior (no temper outbursts, better grades) warrants good things (movies with Alex, B & me, slow dancing at the Christmas dance with Alex), we've since seen a complete 180. Seriously. I remind her daily of her goal - Christmas dance, new outfit, Alex, Alex, Alex - and she manages to get it together. Unfortunately, she feels she cannot talk with her mom about Alex, so that makes it a little difficult. Her mother thinks she just wants to go to the dance. C is pretty open with me about her feelings about boys and friendships. Recently, she and I had a very frank discussion about boys and all the hormones, during which C politely informed me that, "Kissing is gross at my age." B was relieved.

~The conference proposal I wrote with two of my peers in my Doc program was submitted a few weeks ago, and we found out yesterday it was accepted. Looks like we will be traveling in March to present in VEGAS - Woot! With this acceptance, I get my second paper published in an international conference proceeding, get to go to Vegas for a week, and only have to present for 15 minutes. How awesome is that? Sadly, B will not be going with me this time. I think he's a little happy because I was definitely going to make him go to several cheesy shows. I am trying to talk my mom into going with me, but I don't think she's up for it. Too bad, we would have great fun.

~ I am currently cooking up a storm and packing like a fiend for my weekend adventure with the Tiara Girls - Susan, Shanny, and Shannon. Yes, Shannon is coming with us. She's on a giddy high because she finally, finally got her referral for Emily and she got a new nephew to boot. The referral was a little shaky for a second, but it's all good now. Go on over an take a gander at the cuteness. Tomorrow morning my very pregnant friend Caroline and I are heading out for the drive down to a little cabin in Asheville, NC. We're leaving early because (from what I hear) pregnant people need lots of pee stops, I tend to get lost in unfamiliar places after dark, and we have to stop for postcards at the WV and VA Welcome Centers per Susan's request. Plus, I am just so damn excited for a weekend of Christmas at Biltmore, junk food, mojitos, board games, and quite possibly some interpretive dancing to hits of the 80's, I would leave today if I could could get by with it.

Bullets

We are still alive, and to take a page from this gal's book, you're getting the bulleted list of what we've been up to.

* We are still struggling. I eliminated the previous bullet because it's just too painful to read. I believe I jinxed myself. Yesterday was rough. C had an appointment with the pediatrician who not only got to witness the violence, but finally (finally) stood up to C's mom. C needed a flu shot, and even after a mild sedative and numbing cream, she still managed to kick B in the chin, smack his face, bite him 3 times, and kick him in the hand. Yeah, it's bad. The 5 nursing staff who were there to help could not control her, and were freaked. On the Walk of Shame out of the office, the receptionist actually had the balls to tell B, "She really needs some discipline." I'm glad I wasn't there, because I believe I would have lost it. C's pediatrician finally said, "You're medication choice isn't working, you really need to consider ADHD and ODD." B and I have always believed that C has ADHD, and whenever we would go there, C's mom would lose it. Thank god someone else finally said it. Her pediatrician is very proactive and will collaborate with the psychiatrist and therapist. Now, if only her mom will cooperate with them. Keep your fingers crossed that this helps.

* I just finished a major proposal for a conference in Vegas this spring. I worked collaboratively with two other students, and hopefully we'll get in. I have never been to Vegas before. Keep your fingers crossed that we are accepted. Any tips on where to go, eat, and sight see are welcome.

* I've been going to the movies a lot with my friend Caroline. We have started to have a set Sunday movie date. Last week, along with my mom, we saw The Heartbreak Kid. It totally sucked. You know a movie's bad when you have to explain to your mother what a "queef" is. Yeah, it was awesome.

* Speaking of Caroline, she and I are headed down to Biltmore in a few weeks to meet up with the Tiara Girls - Susan and Shanny. Shannon may or may not join us. We are hoping she doesn't, because that means she's gotten her referral for Emily! She will be greatly missed, but we totally understand - her girl comes first. We can't wait for that referral, so we will take pictures. I can't wait to see my bloggy posse. I need the break.

* My niece Evie is talking more and more, and it's pretty hilarious. Last week my brother called the cat, "Fat Ass." Immediately Evie started saying, "Fat Ass, Fat Ass" My brother redirected her and asked her to call the cat by his name, T. J. She said okay, and he didn't think anything about it again. Later that day, she walked over to my SIL, Kim, Evie touched her on the knee and said, "Hey Fat Ass, lookit my boo-boo." Sweet.

* I have a fierce crush on Anthony Bourdain. Fierce. No Reservations is my new favorite show. I am also loving Chuck. Next week Nip/Tuck begins, and soon Project Runway. TV has been my salvation.

* Today marks month 16 of waiting for Ruby.

Being a Mom

There are many reasons for a lag in my blogging lately. There's a new season of TV to watch, it's conference proposal semester and I am diligently working for a trip to Vegas in the spring, I am depressed about the wait for Ruby... you get the point. Regardless of my regularly scheduled life, the main reason I have not been blogging is because I have been too busy being a mom.

Yeah, you read that correctly.

I am not C's mom, and have never had the delusion that I could ever take the place of her mother. My relationship with C has been one of stepmother - close, but not a decision maker. Nevertheless, I have been playing the role of mom due to the Summer of Hell she has had with her biological mother. Since May, C has been an absolute tyrant with her mother, and truthfully, it's a little embarrassing to talk about.

C has become an asshole. There I said it out loud.

My stepdaughter has become that image of the terrible teenager that all parents dread to think about - moody, tearful, raging, violent, hurtful, deceitful, lying and mean. The weird thing about it is that even though this mood swing has hit across environments (school, home, life), the really violent stuff only happens with her mother. Don't get me wrong, we have our moments where I get the "Stare of Death," but never to the level of destruction that happens at her mother's home. C has hit, kicked, punched, and thrown things at her mother. She has broken the woman's leg, torn ligaments in her thumb, and punched her repeatedly. We are seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and have consulted with her pediatrician, and have met with both school personnel and the police. And finally, we have done the one thing we said we wouldn't do - medicated our child.

I am not writing these things to elicit sympathy or advice, I am just passing along the facts of my life as it has unfolded over the past few months. Also, keep in mind, C is compassionate toward most, fun, silly, loving, and has a great sense of humor. Right now she's possessed by hormones and possible mental illness that has been passed down generationally; it says something when 4 generations of women (maternal) in your family have bipolar disorder.

We have also flipped the script with living situation, which is why I haven't been blogging. In the past, C has spent the majority of time with her mother and would come to us 2-3 times a week, depending upon her schedule. For the last 2 months, C has spent most of her time at our house. She goes to her mother's house 2x during the school week, and weekends (aka downtime) is spent here. So far, we have only had one meltdown and one potential meltdown. The one true meltdown was about not wanting to nebulize (whatever) and she almost hit me. Fortunately for us both, she reconsidered. But I am waiting.

99% of the time, it's been good. Very good. We have a routine and it works. We have an unspoken contract that is becoming a written contract where she can earn reward daily. Grounding long-term has never worked with her, and she's too big to spank. We are taking it one day at a time, and are working incredibly hard to stabilize her.

So that's why I have fallen off the face of the earth. That's why I haven't been blogging about my crush on Anthony Bourdain, my loathe of Lynette from Desperate Housewives, and my irritation that Hung won Top Chef. My life is C., because in the face of this emotional chaos, she has turned to me for some reason. Our relationship has grown stronger and stronger, and we are together constantly - day in and day out. C has turned to me for help, and looks to me as that port in her storm. Right now, I have a responsibility to pick up and carry her for a while, and right now that's what I am doing.

I am being a mom, whether I am ready or not.

Why I Suck

Here's why I suck...

~I've been a little blue lately. This past week was our 15 month LID aniversary. I keep trying to tell myself that 15 is the halfway point, but it just seems like an endless stretch. The only really good news is that the Review Room is on a roll and has approved up through August DTC. With June, July, and August going through review in around 2 months, I am hoping that referrals start to encompass many more days.

~ Well, obviously the blog has not been updated with any relevant information in months.

~ It took me 2 months to mail out Secret Pal gifts. For one Secret Pal, the exchange had ended Aug 1. Yeah, I mailed it last Thursday.

~I also haven't thanked my SP for my latest gift - a book about mom being great, a drum, a rattle toy, and some pretend rattle keys. If you're reading SP, I think you're the bomb, and thanks for all of the goodies.

~ I can't find my camera cord to download any pictures of my SP gifts. I also received an awesome gift from Shelba today, and would love to display the super cool Icky bib and the Rock Star Pediped shoes. Goddammit. I love them both by the way.

~ I have been crappy sick for 2 weeks. I am finishing my second antibiotic and finally feel a little better. At least I don't sound like Froggy from the Little Rascals anymore.

~ I believe I bought a lemon. I have had my new car since May 7th, and so far I have had a flat tire, two scratches, a leak in the air conditioning, and replaced an inside door panel. Monday we are dropping it off to have another door panel replaced. It's getting old, people.

~ My nephew told me that I am the "coolest aunt ever," and then proceeded to point out my forehead wrinkles. He said they were "really big."

~ I went to see this movie with my friend Caroline today, and I made it through the first hour before hot footing it to the bathroom to puke up my popcorn and coke. The cinematography and editing was sped up, choppy, and basically looked like B's grandpa, who had Parkinson's, made a home movie. My motion sickness hit like a wave and I was gone. I had puke on my shirt, face, and in my hair. No, that's not embarrassing. Smelling like vomit I not only had to slink into the theater to tell Caroline I was leaving, I had to slink through the lobby. It was great. I cried for 20 minutes in the car before driving home to shower and brush my teeth.

Okay that's enough whining.

Here's a funny story...

The other night we (B, C, and me) were having a nice dinner at Rio when this family comes in and sits down in the front of the dining room. The only reason I noticed them was because it was a family with 4 boys.

As we were leaving B said, "Hey look whose here!"

C walked up behind the oldest boy, smiled, and said "Hi."

The boy looked at her from head to toe, turned blood red, and said "Wow, you've...you've changed."

C turned blood red and said, "Um, yeah."

Then they just stood there looking at each other and blushing. It took me a minute to realize that this was P, C's 'boyfriend' from her old school, which she left after second grade. The two of them hadn't seen each other for several years. B made small talk and I walked over to pay. I really didn't want C to see me cracking up at the middle school hormone surge.

A few minutes later, on our way to the car, C went on and on about seeing P; she was giddy with the gush/crush.

Finally she walked ahead of us and B turned to me and said. "What the hell was that? It was just so awkward!"

I started laughing and said, "The look on his face?"

B said, "Yeah, did he not recognize her?"

I said, "No honey, that was the 'Oh! You got your Boobies!' look."

Shameless

I know I've been out of it for a while, and the excuses keep racking up. The big picture is that when we returned from the beach, I basically hit the ground running and didn't stop until yesterday when my doctor gave me an antibiotic, an inhaler, and some serious narcotic cough syrup to knock out the bronchitis and sinus infection that is beating me down.

I have several prolific posts in draft - a love letter, a conversation, and another TV rant, but right now I just can't get my fingers and brain to work well enough to string together very coherent thoughts. Perhaps it's the hydrocodone....

So, for now, a MeMe lifted from The Boob. Thanks buddy!

1. The phone rings, who do you want it to be? Ed McMahon... No one. I hate to talk on the phone.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Depends. If someone is watching or if the cart return is close enough, I will. If I am feeling lazy or the weather is crappy, I will park it next to the car next to me.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Total talker. B says that I "hold court."

4. Do you take compliments well? Yes and no. I will accept a complement and say thank you, but it's usually followed up with something self-deprecating or a discounter like, "Oh, this? I got it at Target."

5. Do you play Sudoku? No. I love crossword puzzles, pencil pointers, and logic puzzles, but I hate sudoku.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? Reading this made me think of the Styx song Man in the Wilderness. I feel abandoned in this adoption process, and although I am surviving, I feel very alone. Literally stranded and surviving would be questionable; I might make it one night.

7. Do you like nipple rings? No.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yes. I went to 4H camp for two consecutive summers. I loved going to camp! It felt like I was hundreds of miles away from my parents, when in reality I was only about 35.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid? My family and I were into board games like Life and Monopoly. I was also a Centipede freak and remember playing it at the Roller Rink Arcade. I would skate in, drop a few quarters, spin the roller ball, kick ass, and skate out. Good times.

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Yes. I dated a lapsed Mormon for a year. We had some pretty interesting conversations.

11. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? Being the aggressive female I am, I am definitely a pursuer. I pursued B and got him. In retrospect, anytime I was the pursued, the guy was usually a creep or a weirdo.

12. Do any songs make you cry? No, not really. If I do tear up, it's usually because the vocal is so pure and beautiful, as well as the circumstances surrounding the listening. The last time this happened was when my mom and I went to see Wicked. Being there with my mom and overwhelmingly excited to see the show was what made me emotional, not just the singing.

13. Are you continuing your education? Yes. Sometimes it seems like that's the only thing that defines me.

14. Do you know how to shoot a gun? No, and I don't want to learn.

15. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grab? Besides my family? The cats and my purse.

16. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Sadly, the past. I tend to relive things in my mind and often think of alternative ways I could have handled myself or the situation. I reflect on my past mistakes and triumphs quite a bit. Perhaps too much.

17. Favorite children's book? Mrs. Piggle Wiggle by Betty MacDonald, illustrations by Hilary Knight.

18. What color are your eyes? Green.

19. How tall are you? Short. 5’6”

20. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes.

21. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? In my mind? China. In reality? The bathroom and back.

22. Do you like mustard? I love yellow mustard and will eat it on just about any meat.

23. Do you look like your mom or dad? I look like my dad in drag. However, I have many facets of my mom's personality that give me away as her daughter - the same spazziness, the same laugh, the same command-your-attention attitude.

24. How long does it take you in the shower? 15 minutes, sometimes less if I am in a hurry.

25. Can you do splits? No. I am pretty flexible for a big girl, but that's too flexible for me.

26. What movie do you want to see right now? 3:10 to Yuma

27. What did you do for New Year's? The same thing I do every year - sleep.

28. Do you think The Grudge was scary? Get real.

29. Do you own a camera phone? Technically no. My work owns the phone I use, but it does have a camera.

30. Was your mom a cheerleader? Yes, until it was discovered that she eloped with my dad. Once they found out she was married, they made her quit.

31. What's the last letter of your middle name? This may be a surprise, but it is not 'S.' It is 'H.'

32. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? On the average between 4-6. Last night I slept 12 - thank you hydrocodone.

33. Do you like care bears? No. I hate Care Bears, sappy characters like Strawberry Shortcake, and most Disney. I also hate dolls. So far, Ruby has 2 stuffed that we have purchased: This Gal and This Guy. As you can see, we're not into cute.

34. What do you buy at the movies? Tickets. Snacks depend on the theater. One of our local theaters has the best nachos. At the others, it's usually popcorn for B and C, and gummy bears or smarties for me.

35. Do you know how to play poker? No not really.

36. Do you wear your seat belt? Is it really an option?

37. What do you wear to sleep? Men's Hanes V-neck and panties.

38. Is your tongue pierced? No, that's nasty.

39. Do you like Liver and Onions? Thanks for making me throw up a little in my mouth.

40. Are you in love? Yes I am.

41. Do you like funny or serious people better? Both.

42. Ever been to L.A.? No, and I don't think I want to go to LA. I'd rather go to NY.

43. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? I pay because B makes me.

44. Are you a gullible person? Not really. I can get a pretty good read on people.

45. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No. I am perfectly happy all by myself.

46. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be? I would like to review trashy books.

47. Are you easy to get along with? For the most part. I am a pretty dynamic person, so my intensity may drive some away (this is a nice way to say I am a spaz).

48. What is your favorite time of day? Early morning with my Darwin and coffee.

49. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone? Alone, which is why B and I have a gigantic bed. We sleep together, but apart.

50. Would you give up the one you love/care for the most to become immortal? No way. I would grieve too hard to be able to enjoy it. What's an everlasting life if B's not there to share it? We chose to grow old together.

51. What animal are you most like? An elephant. I am loyal, dedicated, nurturing, and like to take my time to process.

52. What kind of tea do you like the most? Constant Comment, iced; Earl Grey, hot.

53. Do you laugh at peoples' stupidity? Depends. Usually, yes. I am a terrible fun-maker, especially when it comes to bad fashion.

54. Do you feel guilty for doing so after you're done laughing? Only if the person turns out to have a disability. Otherwise, no. If they're dumb enough to sport that bad fashion, then they need to own it when someone makes fun.

Back

So, we made it back Saturday from our week-long exile in West Virginia's #1 vacation spot - Myrtle Beach, SC. We were able to be on the ocean or at the pool every day, which is pretty awesome considering it's the beginning of hurricane season.

I won't bore you with the day-to-day itinerary, but will share some highlights:

• Fondue rocks, and we wish heartily we had a Melting Pot near home.
• Beach chairs are great when sitting in the surf watching the waves roll in.
• Sand in your crotch from said beach chair in the surf is not so great.
• Assholes who monopolize the pool, play horseshoes in over your stuff so that it's trampled into the sand, and are drunk (excluding the pregnant-but-I-still-wear-a-string-bikini-to-show-my-stretch marks-and-tramp stamp) by 11:00 am, do not make the best neighbors; we were grateful for the "quiet time" policy.
• Screened-in porches are the best place to watch nighttime thunderstorms over the ocean.
• My mama makes a mean shrimp boil with fresh shrimp, smoked sausage, onion, lemon, corn, new potatoes, and enough spice to slap your grandma. We licked our plates.
• I love having vacation with my parents now that we take separate cars to and from our destinations.
• C is a total chicken and we wasted 50 bucks on a Haunted Adventure attraction.
• Having no access to the Internet is both empowering and crippling at the same time.
• C is a terrible liar. She was caught red-handed (or should I say, 'red-gummed'?) in a super doozie about flossing the gunk out of her nasty-ass red, white and blue braces. This one took a bit of forethought and effort; thus resulting in the wrath of me, and the subsequent "Life is Hell" attitude she unleashed on everyone.
• Sand does bizarre things to your feet, and my pedicurist Jenny cussed me in English and in Vietnamese the entire time she repaired the damage to my soles and polish.

Sayonara Sweethearts...

~ 10 minutes until we pack the car

~ 9 months planning

~ 8 hours driving

~ 7 Sun & Fun-filled days

~ 6 Novels

~ 5 Beach Towels

~ 4 Pairs of shoes

~ 3 thick fashion magazines

~ 2 swimsuits

~ 1 Industrial strength spray sunscreen...

~See you on the flip side! We're off to the beach!~

Voila!

1. Yes it is true that I was recruited by the Marines when I was in high school. To the point where they tracked me down at home and then showed up at the school to meet me and a couple other students. Seriously. Even then, I was curvy and (at the time) was in a 36DD bra. Can you imagine me running at Boot Camp? The only running I did in high school was treading the boards of our local theater's stage. Obviously, they really didn't want me; I so did not enlist.

2. When I was 5, I was diagnosed with ADHD. My pediatrician wanted to medicate me, but my parents refused. I did not make my first A (outside of Drama and Choir classes) until I was in the 10th grade. I have learned to cope. As an adult I have developed my career around working with people who have mental illness or mental retardation. I think my childhood issues have had a direct effect on every aspect of my life - for the best.

3. I am so left-handed it's sick. I cannot drive a stick shift, knit, crochet, shuffle cards, or twirl a baton. So, if you haven't figured it out, this is the Stinkin' Lie!

4. Yes I have had some brushes with death..

a. I have been in 14 car accidents, 2 of which I had to be "assisted" from the vehicle by firefighters.

b. I was a bank teller in college and was robbed at gunpoint.

c. My college fiance's stepdad was re-habbing a house for us to live in when we were married. My fiancee lived there with a roommate, and the plan was that after we married he and I would live in the house for free, and my fiancee would manage the small apartment building across the driveway. My fiance's stepdad was a total slum lord and he would hire ex-cons on Work Release to do construction and maintenance around his rental properties. One guy was a known murderer. I knew this because he was my dad's best friend's step-brother, and when he killed and was jailed the first time, my family was freaked. I tried to tell my future FIL about him, but he didn't check him out. My fiancee and I had a huge fight over the whole situation, because he thought I was being reactionary and accusatory. I knew the truth! I refused to go to the house or stay there as long as that man was employed. About a month into the guy's employment he murdered a woman who lived in one of the apartments across the driveway. He stabbed her with my fiance's roommate's diving knife, planted my fiance's watch in the kitchen, and stole her jewelry, money, credit cards, and car. She was a social worker and knew him from where he was doing construction on our house. He went to her door and asked for her help. She trusted him and he killed her. To me, that's a little too close for comfort.

5. I am extremely ticklish and cannot stand for someone to touch the backs of my legs, especially on the backs of my knees. It's been like this for years. I don't know why, but I believe it's a visceral reaction to too much sensation. It's a total sensory overload, and as soon as someone touches me there, it automatically makes my stomach roll and I feel queasy. I will physically react by kicking out and gagging from the nausea. During my annual exam a couple of years ago, my GYN put his hand around my knee to check my reflexes and I almost took out his teeth. He doesn't check my reflexes anymore. I know. I am a freak.

Thanks for playing along!

I Ain't No Stinking Liar

So A&MG started this, and Connie and wzgirl have followed suit. Now, because I am such a MeMe 'ho, I have to participate.

Four of these fascinating facts are true, and one is not. What's your guess?

1. I was recruited by the Marines when I was in high school.

2. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and it was predicted that I would not make it through high school.

3. I am ambidextrous.

4. I have had many too close for comfort brushes with death, but have managed to come out physically and emotionally unscathed.

5. If someone touches the backs of my knees, it makes me physically sick; I get nauseous and I gag.

So, which one of these is a big fat lie? You tell me!

36 Follow Up

So, I have no idea what caused my birthday post to come up as August 2nd, my birthday is the 3rd. Anyway, it's corrected.

Walternatives - you were not bleated or belated. I had my own damn date wrong! Whoops!

I guess I am just getting old.

Our dinner was great. Lots of good Italian food. Even though my entree was delish, the olive bread was probably my favorite part of the dinner. We had good fun, and it was hilarious watching Noah dive into a meatball as big as his fist.

C elated us with the good news that her mom finally allowed her to shave her legs! Progress, people, progress!

All in all it was a good birthday. Lots of good wishes and some pretty sweet loot. On the gift front:

~My parents and my brother/SIL went together and bought me a new set of cookware. My pots and pans were totally ghetto and desperately needed replaced.

~Caroline gave me some Fiesta, a planter in turquoise and a groovy devilled egg platter in red. She also gave me a very soft, comfy nightgown, which I am wearing right now.

~My pal Lori gave me a funny card and a gift card to one of our local bookstores, Taylor Books, which is right down the street from our office. I think I am going to buy this.

~Finally, my sweet boy, B surprised me with this. It is glorious.

36

Today's my birthday. Huzzah! I love, love, love my birthday. Tonight the family, a few friends, and I are celebrating at Sohos, an lovely Italian restaurant located in our city's Farmer's Market. The city rehabbed an old train station to create the inside shops of Farmer's Market, and it's really quite lovely. I am so excited!


Here are 36 things about me:

1. My birthday is my favorite day of the year.

2. B & I knew each other 11 months before we eloped; I knew I would marry him on our first date.

3. B is my best friend - He lets me be the boss.

4. I am a doctoral student, and I am extremely competitive about grades.

5. I am a pretty good singer, and I sing very loudly in my car. My car is my stage.

6. I am a child of the 1980s and love 80s music.

7. I am hoping to change my career.

8. We are adopting from China - duh.

9. I have met wonderful people through the Internet, and I love my Tiara Girls posse: Shanny, Shannon and Susan; they are the best bloggy buds.

10. Television is my crack.

11. I think the best book ever written is To Kill a Mockingbird even though thinking that makes me cliched and pretentious.

12. I have had surgery every three years or so since 1996. In 2003, I had a breast reduction and because of complications, I almost lost my right breast. I have terrible scarring where the sutures busted open because my breast abscessed. Twice.

13. I will not drink milk. I think it tastes like blood.

14. I do not like chocolate. I know this makes me weird.

15. I have an unnatural obsession with celebrity gossip, especially reading about them in magazines and on the Internet. I often talk about them like they are personal friends.

16. Coffee is my favorite drink. Hot with non-dairy creamer. No sugar.

17. I could eat chips and salsa from our local Mexican restaurant at least 5 times a week and never get tired of it.

18. I am crazy in love with my nieces and nephews. They are the best kids in the world.

19. My hands often look like they've been mauled by a dog. I never use lotion because I hate the way it feels, and I bite my cuticles too much. I do not bite my nails, but I keep them cut very short because I type for hours every day.

20. Sometimes I feel like I was never meant to be a parent.

21. I finished the latest Harry Potter and was happy to see the series end. It was time.

22. I think about my or someone in my family's death every day. This does not mean I am suicidal or wish them dead. I just think about what it will be like. It stresses me out.

23. I am a worrier (if you haven't figured it out by now).

24. While on vacation about 15 years ago with a friend, I met and was smitten by a sailor from Australia. He was an incredible amount of fun, and occasionally I wonder how he's doing over on the other side of the world.

25. All of my ex-boyfriends moved out of state after we broke up. Only one moved back. I wonder what that says about me?

26. We are taking our first family vacation in 4 years (that's longer than a weekend) later this month. I think about it every day.

27. I listen to audio books in the car and when I am cleaning house.

28. I am a total procrastinator and put all things off until the last minute. I plan, write, scheme, etc... a million times in my head before anything ever comes to fruition.

29. I am flatulaphobic. Please don't ever fart in my presence. I will leave immediately.

30. I want a bigger diamond. I am not sentimental about my engagement ring, and would like to see it grow as my marriage grows. I am ready to trade up.

31. B and I planned on taking an Alaskan cruise in 2009 for our 10th anniversary and to celebrate my completion of my doctorate. I think we'll be in China.

32. I am addicted to salt, even though it makes my entire body fill up like a sponge.

33. I am not loving my new car. I wish I did, it's much nicer than my old one.

34. I only shave my legs 1x a week. I have little to no body hair, but I have very thick hair on my head. Weird.

35. I can't stand the smell of vanilla it triggers migraines.

36. I have to work on my birthday, so I am off...

Lucky 13

So how cool is it that we got the good news on our 13 month LID anniversary?

The stress and worry about making it through this last, big hoop is over.

No more crying in the Macy's baby dept...

No more restraining my lust for baby things that call to me...

Definitely allowing for more major purchase excuses...

Off to celebrate!

Give Her a Holla!

As of today, or maybe last night, our single Tiara Girl, Shannon, got engaged to Mustachio (Tony) and she'll soon be a Smug Married like the rest of us old broads.

Skip on over there and check out the rock and give Shannon and Tony a big congrats!

Milestone

C started her period today.

Now we have an answer to the Linda Blair mood swings, greasy nose outbreak, and all around lousy disposition. Well, maybe not an answer, perhaps an excuse.

I was out of town for work and right in the middle of an assessment with a family when my phone started vibrating. I ignored it. I knew C was with B at the house; she loves it when I am out of town overnight, she and her dad will lie around like slugs watching movies and eating Ramen noodles. Whenever I am out of town, B will call me throughout the day to update me on his daily itinerary - whether I want it or not. When it began vibrating again less than 5 minutes later, I began to worry. I excused myself, and answered with, "What's wrong?"

C very excitedly told me the lowdown and when I said, "You know you need to..." she cut me off and proceeded to tell me how she took care of business by getting herself taken care of, finding the pads, telling her dad, calling her mom, my mom and my sister-in-law to let them ALL know that she finally started. We have had many discussions about where the pads are in the bathroom and the process she needs to take, so she was totally prepared. I am so proud of her. It's been slow, but I think she's finally growing up a little. I like it.

Now if only we can convince C's mom that it is So. Not. Cool. to have Sasquatch legs when 6th grade starts next month, and allowing C to shave her legs is in everyone's best interest.

Wish us luck.

Still Kicking

I'm not going to lie and say that things around here have gotten any less stressful, because they haven't. I am limping through trying to get back on track.

~The fever issue turned out to be a pretty serious case of strep, which I've never had in my life. Not the Strep Throat kind, but a systemic kind. Weird, I know. The massive dose of antibiotics seems to be helping, and I am starting to fell less like a zombie in the evenings. I am glad, bacause I was really starting to worry.

~C is still being a total shit, and this weekend was no exception. She and her mom were doing better for a while, but this weekend was a bust. On Friday, C's mom and her got a wild hair up their asses to dye her hair hot, electric pink. Yeah. It was supposed to be highlights, but turned into a Run Lola Run look that was pretty freaking nasty. It ended up frying her hair and, because I'm always the bad guy, on Saturday I ended up taking her to the salon for repair. Well, I am not shelling out 100+ bucks for her mom's stupid ass mistake, so she left the salon with a very short, Kiera Knightly type do, which was a shock to her system because her hair was past her shoulders. Many tears have occurred since then, but I believe a lesson was learned by C, which is this (I hope) "My mom has no sense of socially appropriate fashion/beauty, so listening to her wild schemes to 'do something cool' should be weighed heavily before I agree to them." Personally, I think the cut, which got out a lot of the pink along with copious shampoos with Dawn dish liquid, looks uber-cute and is she finally looks like the adolescent she's supposed to be.

~School is still whipping my ass. I completed my phenomenology presentation with my group. We lost some points (14) because we didn't do the juvenile "Let's play Jeopardy!" type presentation and felt that since the class has critiqued and reflected on the topic, they wouldn't need a regurgitation of theorists. He offered us an opportunity to make a chart for the class (like the other two groups have already done) and we turned it down. We are standing together on this one. Besides, we all have bonus points in the bank, so our grades weren't affected. I moved onto postructuralism, which was even more confusing than the other, but must have gotten something from it, because I did well on my critique. One more to go.

~ I am insanely jealous because the Georgia Bloggy Bash is coming up, and I am saving the bulk of my leave time for our beach trip in August and for a fall weekend get together of the Tiara Girls. I just couldn't take an extra 3-4 days off. Boo. Hiss. It would have also been a 2-for-1 because I could have gone to see/visit my friend Kathy and her family (including the newest addition of Mr. S.). Dang. So, I am taking a day trip with my mom to see Wicked in Columbus. We leave today and come back tomorrow. We always have a good time, and I am stoked to see the musical. I think I need a little break.

~B and I marked one year LID on the calendar on the 27th. To us, it was just another day in hundreds that are slowly moving along. I think I would feel better if we could just hear something positive. Send good vibes for a clean Review Room evaluation. Perhaps if we get through the RR, I can begin to see a pinpoint of light at the end of this long tunnel.

Good Times

In the midst of all my stress, I was able to take a break and ventured out last night to see B's band, Whistlepunk playing at the Vandalia Lounge. The guys have added a lady to the mix, Miss Karen, and she does a stupendous job. Before, the guitarist Spencer was singing, and although nice, his voice doesn't carry the richness of Karen's. Check them out and have a listen here. I don't get to see B play as often as I'd like because they usually start way past my bedtime (midnight or later) at some pretty skeevy places, so it was good to hear them live.

I Should be Packing

I've been a little enmeshed in school and work lately. I should be packing for an overnight business trip for which I have to leave at the crrrack tomorrow, but instead I am typing and surfing.

The stress levels are pretty high. As a matter of fact I can feel the cortisol pumping up my abdomen as I type. When I get like this, I usually whip out a MeMe or a list. This time, you get a list of what's been happening...

1. Remember this post when I talked about how I ended up with a fever after buying my car? Well the fever's still lingering. I have been tracking it for over a month now and almost every evening around 5-6 I carry a low grade fever (99-100) for a few hours. Oh, and guess what? My doctor (the one I like) has moved out of the county! WTF? So when I went in about my fever a few weeks ago, I saw one of the other partners in the practice. He appears to be a very competent doctor, but he is so incredibly short. Short people don't bother me, but this guy is wee. So wee, that even though I was sitting on the reclining table and he was standing next to me, I had to bend over so he could look in my ears. I am only 5'6". I go back next week with my fever diary and we go from there. It's not my thyroid or my hormone levels, so we don't know what it may be. My gut says that it's arthritis. I hope it's arthritis and not something else. We'll see.

2. School is wearing me down, man. I have a pretty hardcore class this summer - Curriculum Theories. The dude who teaches this course has a rigid timeline - critique due one week; reflection due the next. Each critique of the individual theory is approximately 20-25 pages long with at least 15 resources, and the reflections are between 6-8 pages. It sucks hard. This week I am on a bit of hiatus because my group presents (for 3 hours) about our selected theory - Phenomenological Curriculum Theory. ZZzzzzzzzzzzzz....

3. C has been an absolute terror to her mother over the last few months. It's ugly and we are struggling to keep an even keel. Lots of crisis intervention and spending more time with her than usual. C's a very big 11 1/2 year old (5'4" and 14olbs - size 10 women's shoe!), and she's pretty much taken the bully route with her mom. Now, her mom's no petite wilted flower, but the woman is still recuperating from a pretty nasty bout of thyroid cancer. C's mom is also a weak disciplinarian; a yeller who never follows through with groundings or punishments. We don't have these issues at our house because C has always known the layout of our family dynamics from the beginning: We are a team, but I am the captain. Period. I refuse to mediate between the two, so B gets stuck in that role (too much lately). We just have to wait and see how things pan out.

4. I have only had my new car for a month and it already has a scratch. I don't know how it happened, but I am pissed. B's car was vandalized Friday night and now he's missing a back window on the driver's side. I am pissed about that as well, but not for the same reason. The scratch I know I did not do; however, B should know better to leave an empty laptop case in the backseat. GRR.

5. My niece Evie (aka Chubs, who is no longer chubby) has really warmed up to me lately. Every time I see her we have a blast with her latest - shaking hands. She'll come up and say, "Hi Debbie. Watch you doin'?" or "Hi Debbie, I Evie, Friend." I also get really sweet snooches when we say goodbye.

6. I am quite happy about the new seasons of Hell's Kitchen and Top Chef. Let's just say that Gordon Ramsey and Tom Collichio can be added to my Sexy Ugly Boys list.

I just noticed the "Aren't I a badass?" chin grasp they both have going on.

He's Back!

Well, at least for tonight. Marcel and the other 3 members of the Season 2 Top Chef Final Four are on tonight at 10:00. Woot!

Next week, Season 3: Top Chef Miami begins.

Oh BTW, B surprised me with a 37 inch flat screen as an 8 year anniversary gift (he so knows the way to my heart)! Now I can watch Marcel and all of his freakalicious hair in technicolor glory.

Overheard

Conversation between My mom, Noah, and C on Memorial Day

N: Hey, my birthday's coming up. It's June 25th

C: Yeah I know.

My Mom: C's birthday is the same day as Jesus' - Christmas Day.

N: (turning to C) Are you married to Jesus?

C: No, that was Mary Mandolin and her birthday's in the summer.

XXOOXX

Let me extend a big snootchy thank you to all of my bloggy peeps who showed me the love on my last post. Yep, I was a big old Debbie Downer.

Y'all are awesome.

11 Down

How many more to go?

Although this blog was supposed to be a journal of our wait time for Ruby; a catalogue of the trials and tribulations of our adoption journey, it has become so much less. A venue for memes and way too much discussion about TV shows that do little more than rot my brain and unproductively fill my time. Unfortunately this won't be changing because I just wont talk about anything else.

Really, what more is there to discuss?

Should I provide a detailed description of how I have begun to take all of my Secret Pal gifts and place them in Rubbermaid containers in the basement because I don't have the energy/wherewithal/heart to decorate and look at an empty room?

Shall I discuss my inability to walk through children's departments without feeling like I have a gaping hole in my chest and my empty hands aching to hold onto the smaller grip of my daughter?

How about I tell you how I get physically sick whenever someone asks me, "What's happening with the adoption? When will it happen?"

Or finally, let's talk about how I worry daily that we'll be questioned or booted during Review and have to start the clock all over again, or (worst case scenario) watch a year's worth of time, emotion, and hope swirl down the drain?

I can't talk about it. I won't.

Happy LID anniversary to me.

Interview

Shanny offered the crack pipe and sent me some interview questions. I am such a MeMe 'ho, I couldn't resist!

1. If you were forced to give up one of your five senses, which would you pick?

More than likely my sense of smell. Especially right now, because B just farted and I am throwing up a little in my mouth. No seriously, smell. I have a hyper-sensitive nose, and even slight scents bother me and tend to trigger migraines. Vanilla-based scents are the worst. Also, if I gave up smell, perhaps my taste would be a little off and then I would eat less. It could be a 2-for-1 bonus.

2. You win the big jackpot in the lottery. $50 million. After you give to charity, pay for another adoption, buy new houses and pay off bills, what's the first truly indulgent thing you spend your money on? And it has to be just for you.

I would get 3 things. A personal trainer/chef. I feel better when I exercise, I just need someone kicking my butt to get it together and make the effort. Having someone pushing me through would be a huge help. I would also buy a couple of miniature Boston Terriers to be my sidekicks. Because I work/travel so much, having a dog isn't really an option. I would definitely get my pups. I would name them Boo Radley and Calpurnia.

3. If a movie was made based on your life, who would play you and your husband & why?
Well, there's no doubt that Phillip Seymour Hoffman would play B. He is B's brother of another mother, and the resemblance is somewhat disconcerting. Especially in MI:III where PSH is heavier. Now me? That's hard. On this site, my celebrity match is The Hoff; however, I don't think I want The Hoff to play me. So I think I'll go with Sara Rue. She's funny, curvy, and cute. A little bit like me.


4. Would you walk naked down your street, with all your neighbors watching, for $1 million?

Absolutely. I'd be smiling and waving, thinking to myself I will never have to see these people again. Ever. I am soooo moving outta here.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world for a year (money is no object) where would you live ?

I would probably stay right where I am and just move into a different house. I would use the money-that-is-no-object to buy a tricked out RV so B and I could hit the road and see America. Also, since money-is-no-object we would have Boo Radley and Calpurnia with us. We would take the scenic route to see all of the weird and wonderful sites in our country, eat at funky diners along the way, and take pictures of the dogs peeing on every"Welcome to Our State" sign we pass.

If you’d like to participate, here are the RULES.
If you want to participate:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me”, or words to that effect.
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions, but I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You have to include this explanation, and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Yes!

Go Blake!

I was incredibly excited to see that my current fave, Blake Lewis, made it to the final 2 tonight on a American Idol. No more No-Neck Dolittle!

Also, getting to see last year's fave, Elliot Yamin was an added bonus. His cd is growing on me. I am especially fond of his cover of Donny Hathaway's A Song for You.

Walking, Riding, and Wiggling

I've been pretty busy lately, and this weekend was no exception. Early Saturday morning, along with several of my coworkers and friends, I walked a mile for breast cancer research. Our state hosted the Susan G Koman Race for the Cure and raised over 75,000.00. Everyone should contribute to this cause; there are 2.3 breast cancer survivors in the United States because Early Detection is the Best Protection! One of those survivors is my friend Caroline's mom, Rose. Last year she found a lump early and was able to be treated with minimal invasion.

Here we are near the finish line, walking for Rose!
L to R: Caroline, Billie, Thea, Mary, & me.

We walked our mile, now walk yours! Support Breast Cancer Research!


Later that day, B and I drove over to the Hyundai dealership and traded in my beloved Sorento for this hot little number.

A 2007 Tucson in Mesa Red.

I loved my Sorento, but 18 MPG highway at 3.09 a gallon was killing me. I spent 120.00 on gas in 2 weeks! It was any easy trade and my MPG went up to 24-25 highway. Bonus! The saleswoman was hilarious, and we rocked out to great 80s tunes while they did our paperwork. Spending big amounts of money stresses me out, and usually I get really grouchy and panicky. This time I ended up with a fever. Weird.

On Sunday we BBQed with my parents and my brother's family, which is always fun. Noah had a good time showing us his wiggly front tooth, and later that evening pulled it out. Check him out!

Victim

I work for a private company that contracts with public programs. A little confusing, but it works. Prior to this job, I never had to deal with performance evaluations and merit increases. The state or non-profit company I worked for at the time would do an across the board cost-of-living increase every year or so and everyone got the same thing. Now, I go through a 3 step process that involves self-evaluation, discussion, and eventual merit increase based on performance. I just had my final meeting last week and did better than I expected, so the mood was high when I called the automatic teller to check my direct deposit amount. The AT gave a balance first. I have been a little lax in the checkbook balancing, so I opted to hear the last 10 transactions because I had no idea how much of that balance was my paycheck and how much was left over from last time. Here's what I heard:

Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Direct Deposit 4/19 $$$$$$$ (Did you really think I was going to tell you how much I get paid?)
Withdraw 4/19 23.05
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59

After the first couple of repeats of, "Withdraw 4/19 10.59," I thought maybe the computer had a glitch. Wrong. I called my local branch and found out that someone used my debit card to purchase copious amounts of memberships to a couple of different online retailers. The bank immediately blocked the card and told me to come in to take care of the paperwork. We discovered that the bulk of the transactions took place with 2 retailers I never use (they shall remain nameless because I will not promote them even negatively). One would think that after 17 purchases on the same day, using the same credit/debit card number, someone would be suspicious. Nope. They pushed them all through.

Between Friday, Saturday, and Tuesday I filled out 35 affidavits for 35 transactions and I am currently waiting for the bank to refund around 400 bucks. Everyone at the bank knows me by name now, due to the serious amount of quality time I spent with Brent, the bank manager. I believe Brent may name his second child after me.

You know what made me the maddest? The fact that the criminal didn't go for the big stuff. Penny-ante shit at 10 or 6 dollars a shot x 35. What a waste of time.

My theory is - If you're going to violate someone, be a real criminal, not a petty thief. At least when you go to jail, you'll have something to brag about.

Sexy Ugly Boys

Around the time of my TV Rant that contained a brief love letter and girly squee over Eddie Izzard, wzgirl said, "So you like Sexy-ugly, too?" At time I had a brief, "yeah I do" moment and let it go. Well, last night the thought about how much I like sexy-ugly boys hit home when I realized that every Friday night (EST), time stops between 9:00-10:00 so I can watch my current crush mumble through an hour of pretty bad TV.

For some reason, it's always the best friend of the sexy leading man or the weird brother of the beautiful leading woman that gets me. I do not feel the Brad Pitt love. Ever.

Now don't get me wrong, I love a pretty boy. I love Julian McMahon. Lots and lots. I also really appreciate many other handsome men. But I'm telling you, it's the SUB that crushes me. There's just something about the weird, quirky ones.

My sexy-ugly boys:




Who are yours?

One Question Answered

It's about damn time.

Who, What, When, Where, and Why?

Some questions I've been pondering. What are your thoughts dear reader?

What the hell is going on with this Sanjaya thing?

Why am I almost 36 and have more pimples now than at 16, and why am I compelled to pick at them and create scars on my aging, tender skin?

Where can I find really cute summer flats that fit? I have a wide ball of foot/toe area and a narrow heel. Every flat I find fits in the front and flops in the back.

What is Jay Z talking about in the song Big Pimpin', when he talks about "spinning the cheese;" is that really what he's saying, and if so, what is he referring to?

Why is it that people will release intensely personal blogs, share all of their emotions, day-by-day life events, tears, joys, fears, and turmoil then shut down? I understand the purpose of going private; to me, that's a non-issue. However, when a blogger has hundreds of readers hanging onto their daily posts, there has to be some obligation to the reader and when does that end (or start)? What obligation does a blogger have to his/her readers to keep going? Why is it that the reader feels some emotional tie to the blogger, and why are we so disappointed when it ends? Who gets the shaft - the blogger who feels compelled to be witty and produce, or the reader who invests time and emotion in this person who has let it all hang out for years then is cut off without warning?

What's going on with women today who feel like they must participate in a show like The Bachelor or Flava of Love? When did women become this desperate for a taste of fame or for a man?

Who can tell me where to find a mascara that doesn't flake or cause raccoon eye?

When does career happiness take place of career advancement or change? I spend a lot of time thinking about this, and may take a plunge into something different. My job and my doc program have 2 completely different paths. I will not advance or move in my job after I finish this program, so I am constantly wondering when and how to make the change.

San Antonio

Per Johnny's recommendation, I decided not to blog about our recent trip to San Antonio until we returned. I hinted several times on the blog that we were headed to Texas, but never said when we were going to be gone. Not that I believe any of the few readers I have were going to rob our house.

B and I had a wonderful week in San Antonio at the 2007 SITE conference. Instead of comprehensive exams, my university requires doc students to complete a Residency Portfolio. The RP is a capstone experience that each student must complete prior to acceptance to candidacy. I am pretty far into the process. I have developed an online course, taught said course for the last 2 semesters, and presented at our bi-annual student seminar. With this conference, I added 2 more artifacts to my RP - a published paper and a presentation at an international conference. My presentation was part of an 8 person symposia about the RP process and multimedia integration. My piece was about the mentoring relationship during the development of my course. It went off without a hitch, and I was especially flattered because one person (who wasn't B) came just to hear me speak! How cool is that?

On to the trip...

Weather: San Antonio is beautiful, clean and breezy. When the weather was good, it was great. However it managed to rain all day on Monday, and spit in fits on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Wednesday was perfect.

Flight: No big deal. The flights down were cramped and we were seated in the very back of a small plane across from the toilets. Nice. The return flights were just as cramped, but we were farther up the plane. Lots of turbulence from the storms, but otherwise okay. Dramamine is my friend.

Food: Everyone I've met who's gone to San Antonio says that the food is wonderful. To me, it was okay. We had good meals and bad meals.

~On Sunday and Tuesday we ended up at this place, it wasn't on purpose, it just happened that way. The best things were the margaritas and the chicken flautas.

~On Wednesday we went out with our group to this place, and I had my best meal in San Antonio - penne with chicken, spicy chilies and tomato cream sauce. Dang, it was awesome.

Wednesday we ate at this crap place because we were stuck in the Riverwalk Mall and later had junk food at the Spurs game. Wednesday was a bad food day all around.

~Thursday those of us left at the conference had our last supper at this place. Meh. Not my favorite. You can swing a cat in our state and hit a steakhouse. This was my worst meal.

~Breakfast was in the hotel. I loved the chef; he made me tomato and cheese omelets every day. It didn't hurt that he was really cute and had sexy tattoos on both forearms.

~I also discovered these, and I am sad, sad, sad because they are not offered in my state. Actually, it's probably a good thing. If I ate these all of the time, I would have cankles and probably weigh 4000 lbs.

Fun:The Riverwalk that winds through the city is beautiful and relaxing. We walked our legs off every day.

~Before we took our car back on Monday, we went to the Quarry Market and shopped, but it was like any other mall.

~Wednesday was perfect, and was Big Fun Day. We shopped at the Riverwalk mall on Wednesday, and I ended up bringing home many T-shirts and lots of this stuff, which smells like a dream. After shopping we went to the Alamo and then took a River Taxi back to our hotel. Later the entire group of us went to the San Antonio/New Orleans NBA game and were so far up in the arena I got vertigo! Check out the pics if you don't believe me!