How many more to go?
Although this blog was supposed to be a journal of our wait time for Ruby; a catalogue of the trials and tribulations of our adoption journey, it has become so much less. A venue for memes and way too much discussion about TV shows that do little more than rot my brain and unproductively fill my time. Unfortunately this won't be changing because I just wont talk about anything else.
Really, what more is there to discuss?
Should I provide a detailed description of how I have begun to take all of my Secret Pal gifts and place them in Rubbermaid containers in the basement because I don't have the energy/wherewithal/heart to decorate and look at an empty room?
Shall I discuss my inability to walk through children's departments without feeling like I have a gaping hole in my chest and my empty hands aching to hold onto the smaller grip of my daughter?
How about I tell you how I get physically sick whenever someone asks me, "What's happening with the adoption? When will it happen?"
Or finally, let's talk about how I worry daily that we'll be questioned or booted during Review and have to start the clock all over again, or (worst case scenario) watch a year's worth of time, emotion, and hope swirl down the drain?
I can't talk about it. I won't.
Happy LID anniversary to me.
14 comments:
Of course we're still friends! Please convey to everyone on the group that just because I chose to leave, I'm not expecting/wanting/needing anyone to do the same. That's completely not the point. At this time, that group is not good for ME. That's all.
Good post, by the way. "And this too shall pass" is the only thing that comes to mind. I'm sorry it sucks right now. It will get better. Happy 11th! I'm almost to 9.
DSue - I sure hope that your hands do not continue to morph with each and every month of this wait. I feel you...the gaping hole, the hall closet where all the baby-bootie is shoved...etc. Funny thing, though, when people started saying (with our 12 month LID mark) "Well, its gotta be downhill from here" - I wondered if that might be true? Could we actually be nearing the light at the end of the tunnel?
Damn, I hope so.
Keep on keepin' on, bud.
I think a lot of us are feeling the same way right now. We go through spurts of it at least. I know I do. One day trying to be optimistic and find peace in the wait, the next being so depressed that I don't want to get out of bed. It sucks.
I'm also stressing about review. I just want us out! And I've put the nursery decoration on the back burner. Her room is still just a big junk room right now cuz I can't do it yet.
We just have to lean on each other for support and keep putting one foot in front of the other. We'll get there eventually. Hang in.
Hang in there ma fren and keep your chin up. And remember you're not alone. You're not alone in the wait (I'm still waiting too- just have been busy switching countries and whatnot) and you're not alone in the pain. But the best thing is I'm not alone in sending my lurve and good vibes up your way! xoxo
My agency contact dossier/referral person (that's a great start off to a sentence, huh?)- well, she's more like a friend now anyway- she said to me once, "It won't matter how long the wait is, I can promise you that. Because SHE will be there at the end of the wait, and it will melt away, AND will seem short in comparison to spending the rest of your life as her mom".... when I heard the words, "rest of my life" that helped. Then the wait seemed do-able. As for having lost completely, been there. Room ready. All her things put away. 2 months from referral. Cancelled, divorce, death of mom. But I KNOW this WILL happen- IT WILL. And everyday you are ONE MORE DAY CLOSER to HER!!
I also know this probably didn't help a damn bit. Truth is, I know how you feel, I'm gonna hold your hand through it, and hope that as each day passes, your heart will turn...
dare I say hang in there? Seems trite. I say feel depressed, cry, wallow and then get on with it.
Happy ELEVEN... that's a big number...(and a weird picture!)
Just think you are 11 months in, thats a good long chunk of time. You will be a great momma!
Remember that you are not alone in that worry and pain. Some of us talk about it, and some don't, but it is there for most of us. Hopefuly the referral rate tide will turn soon.
That picture scared me a little. I am sorry the walk through a dept store is scary. It will pass.
We will get through this ~ every day we are one step closer.
I know what it is like to feel like we are never going to be mamas. I know what it is like when someone asks for the one millionth (is that a word) time 'have you heard anything'. I have too been in that valley. It seems to me that after I hit the 12th month things seemed a little brighter. I have more peaks than valleys now. I hope the same happens for you.
If not go ahead and tell us about it. No one understands better than those of us who are in the boat with you. :)
Congrats on 11 ~ you're one month closer.
It sucks, no 2 ways about it. But we're here too, feeling your pain. You ain't alone chica! We've all got your back!
Keep your chin up. In a few months, you'll feel a bit better (I hope)
Congrats on the eleven. I used the same pic on my 11th month.
Congrat on 11.
My secret pal stuff is also in a rubbermaid container in the junk room which is suppose to be the baby's room. No energy to start on that room.
Yep, and my secret pal stuff is in a cardboard box in the closet. Right there with you. Congrats on 11.
Hey chick,
I'm a little late here but just wanted you to know that I am right there with you! I have all my stuff in containers sitting in my closet. I wanted to start her room in January but didn't because of this wait. I haven't blogged in months.
All I know is that we will get there. Just a matter of time! No one knows what CCAA will do in the next 6 months - but we do know that we will be 6 months closer to our daughters!!
~Carla
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