Spiritual Hoo-Hah - An Answer to the Why China Question

Man, people can be mean! Even though I should be cleaning my house, I just spent way too much time reading comments on The Naked Ovary. Talk about a flame war! I've been reading K's posts for a while, and on one really slow day at work (old job) managed to skim the archives. TNO is a blog about infertility that is honest, funny, and oftentimes pretty damn sad. K and D have had it pretty rough with IF and have begun the process to adopt from China. In reading these comments I began to think about the comments and insensitivity B and I have endured over the course of our IF and subsequent decision to adopt. The number one question is "Why China? Why not here?" Depending on the tome, sometimes this question is true curiosity, but, sadly to admit, most of the time it's really a "Why not White?' question. We live in a rural state that is 98% Caucasian. Racism and ignorance seemed to be served for dessert in many homes, and being a somewhat educated person, have often tried to see these types of questions as an opportunity to educate. Sometimes it works, sometimes I walk away angry and hurt.
B and I did a lot of research before we started treatment for infertility. Because B has lupus and a history of intensive chemotherapy, we knew we would have to do IUI with donor sperm. We also knew from the beginning that there was a very good chance that we would not be able to have a "pregnancy." In knowing this, many family members and friends wondered why we ever tried. I can't really explain it. I wanted the baby way more than I wanted the pregnancy; however, in retrospect, I think I wanted the biological baby in order to ease the minds of our families. Like I said earlier, our rural culture is not very accepting of differences, and the adage of "blood is thicker..." really means something here.
My family was aware we were using donor sperm, but we kept it from B's family. My parents were open-minded and okay because, if there was a baby, he or she would still be "theirs" seeing as the baby would share my DNA. Because of B's mother's religious beliefs we chose not to tell her, and she never knew. I hinted to her once prior to her death that we may have to use donor sperm, and her comment was "Let's pray that you don't have to do that." I knew then we could never tell. In many ways it was a relief that it didn't work. That kind of secret is a biggie and I am glad I won't have to explain it to my child.
Although I am not a spiritual person, I think I have known all along I will never give birth and adopting was what we were meant to do. When I dream of having a baby, I never dream of being pregnant (I may have and just don't remember). I always dream of a girl baby with no face and black hair. I am always happy in the dream, but most of the time the baby's back is to me. I am not chasing her, just watching. It's kind of strange. B and I both have blonde hair and light eyes. If our DNA were to ever merge, the chances of us having a dark haired baby are pretty damn slim. Sometimes I think this is spooky and spiritually my body is telling me something, but oftentimes I think it's all a bunch of hoo-hah crap and I am subconsciously projecting my daily thoughts and reality into my dreams. Who knows?
We chose China because it seemed like that was where we were supposed to find our child (now who's talking spiritual hoo-hah?). We did the research, talked a lot, and decided China prior to ever doing the first IUI in 2001. We know most of the arguments, and have answers for all of the questions that have come our way. Answers to questions that are sad, truthful, and sometimes hurtful. Answers to questions I will not subject any readers to. Take my word for it, that we chose the best fit for our family and are making my dreams our reality. That's "Why China."