Buckling Down

I haven't totally abandoned blogging, I just haven't had much to say. Things have been a little redundant here and I wanted to spare my 1-2 readers the boring details. I have been working extra hard and bucking down to get some things done to make some of those changes I was talking about in this post. Small successes, but there is some good news to share!

I am almost finished with my Portfolio, and definitely will defend in June. Last week, my chair returned my reflection with no revision requests! I was pretty surprised because I turned in my first draft of the paper as my rough draft. Yeah, that's how I roll - I write in my head over and over, put fingers to typepad, and turn it in. Don't judge me.

Also, I have made the first steps of getting my dissertation together. A research project in the public school system came up and the dean (who is on my committee) felt it would be a good fit with me! The topic is interesting and fits really well with my experiences as a social worker. I met with our local Board of Ed last week and was able to iron out the details some. Both the dean and my chair are very supportive of this topic and if I buckle down I should finish by next spring or summer as planned. Even though I am going about the process a little backward because I am starting some exploratory qualitative research in a couple of weeks, it has been approved and I am safe. If all goes as it should, not only will I finish my doctorate, the research will be applied and will possibly influence policy changes in our county. That's pretty major. It means I have to phase out of the other project, but those wheels are turning already.

The professor for my class made another student cry a few weeks ago. The person couldn't hide it or hold it in (like me) and had a mini-meltdown right in the middle of her presentation. Oh yeah, it was rough. I hate it that my classmate had the same experience as me, but I am glad it happened for 2 reasons:

1) It wasn't just a personality clash between the two of us; I was worried that it was "just me."

2) She got a real glimpse of how hard she pushes and has backed down significantly.

We have had one hit over the last month that kinda bites, but we're not letting it bring us down too much. In this post, remember how I discussed our I-1600 renewal and how B's HR person was holding us up? Well, she held us up enough that we now have to file the new I-1800 and pay all of the fees (870 bucks). Our homestudy update was still free, but those fees hurt. It also scares me that because we have to fill out the new form, we won't get approved or it will mess things up for us. So scared that I haven't contacted our agency to tell them. Any thoughts or experiences that can make me feel better about this are welcome. They did send us a fingerprint appointment, so that makes me feel like it's going to be okay. Regardless, you never know how the Federal Govt. will handle things.

I noticed a while back that since I quit participating in Secret Pal exchanges that I no longer buy or look at anything baby related. I am removing myself from this process and don't feel connected to it anymore. We're 22 months post LID with no foreseeable future. Nice, 3 days, dudes. I am beginning to settle into acceptance and resignation that this may not happen for us, and I am really bothered about it. People no longer ask about the adoption, and I've noticed that days will go by without any thought or discussion of Ruby. It's breaking my heart because our hope is dying and I don't know how to get the adoption mojo going.

Because denial is a wonderful emotion, I am running away with little trips and adventures. On the books are:

* A trip with my mom and C to see The Lion King in September.

* A family weekend to Ced@r L@kes with 2 other families (B's cousin and his BF from high school). B, Matt, and Dan will take all 6 kids to the park while Missy, Shar, and I shop at the outlets. I see a Co@ch outlet in my future.

*And tonight, I am going to see these guys with my brother. Yeah!