Meet Darwin
Darwin is our 7 year old, 15 pound beast, who frequently stalks, attacks, and kills my rolled socks, beats down his sister Eliza, and very loudly lets me know when it is time for his nightly snack. He is a total drag queen who grooms so much that brushing his 3-4 inch fur is not an option; even the bottoms of his paws are snowy white. In B's mind his voice sounds very much like Eddie Izzard's - a British accent with a little girlie squee thrown in just to make you wonder.
He proved his queenliness last night.
Around 11:00 I wandered down to the kitchen to refresh my monster glass of ice water that must be by my bedside every. single. night. I flipped the light switch, and right by my left foot was this huge water bug. That sucker was at least as long as my pinkie finger. Holy shit! My first thought was to pick it up with a paper towel and squish it, but it was just to big. I knew that the guts would go everywhere, and they really stink when you kill them. They crunch. So I decided to let the cats out to let them chase it and kill it. Survival of the fittest and all.
After about a minute of calling and cooing, Darwin came sauntering up the basement steps. He plopped down in the doorway and looked at me. I swear if that cat had eyebrows, one would have been raised. I pointed to the water bug and told him to go kill it.
He didn't move.
I then picked him up, placed him in front of the water bug, and said, "Kill it."
He laid down on the bug, who managed to wriggle out and run right in Darwin's line of vision and escaped into the dark underbelly of the dining room table. A place a bug and myself will never rendevouz.
I then said, "Darwin, what the hell? Go kill the goddamn bug!" and pointed to the dining room. I think I even stomped my foot a little.
Darwin slowly got up, sashayed across the kitchen, looked back at me once with a "get bent" stare, and promptly went down the basement steps to bed.
Lazy, spoiled ass cat.
*I have no idea where that bug is, but I am calling the Orkin man on Monday.
3 comments:
Hey, at least he laid down on it...that was some kind of effort.
Cats...they are unbelievable snots ;0)
Yeah, sounds like a cat. When they can't be bothered...they won't be.
Darwin is such a sexy bitch! Orkin has this new promotion - if the Orkin Man sprays your house and you still find a giant water bug, you get to watch him eat it. In all seriousness-osity, we use Orkin and I haven't found a single camel cricket or spider since he started back in June. WORTH. IT.
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