Monday, October 09, 2006

Fat and Fashionable

So I was scanning some of my favorite blogs and came upon 2 different posts containing the words "leggings." Fortunately, over at buttercup it was a language issue. Leggings = tights. However, Karen addressed the real issue of the Great Legging Comback of 2006, which distresses me to no end. My problem really isn't that leggings are coming back. No, really, it isn't. Everything circles around again, and it's time for an 80's revival. No biggie.

My problem is with the women who choose to wear leggings. In my book, if you are over the age of 9, you should not own a pair of leggings. EVER. Nonetheless, many women decide that comfort overrules fashion. To take it a step further, overweight women choose comfort over fashion. Don't get me wrong, I am not criticizing the big girls - I am a big girl. A plus size woman. Voluptuous, Reubenesque, Zaftig, Fat, Curvy, and Healthy. I shop in the "Women's" section, I wear double digits, and buy the majority of my clothing at Lane Bryant. Do not flame me saying I hate fat people. I am fat and I am okay with it.

What I am not okay with is the fact that plus size women do not know how to dress to emphasize their shape or bodies. This makes me crazy. It drives me bonkers to see a curvy, beautiful woman in leggings, or even worse, a shapeless jumper and tights. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh Mama Mia! Dressing like a little girl (child) does not make you look like a little woman (petite). Ironically enough if you check out Clinton's Fall Fashion Trends he advises about both of these horrible pieces of clothing. See? I am not the only one!

I know all about how hard it is to find clothes that fit. I also know how easy it is to fall into a rut of comfort and acceptance. The top 5 most common trends that I see in larger women's fashion are:

1. Wearing knit pants - leggings, sweatpants, and/or drawstring, tapered knits that cling to the butt and thighs. Often, cellulite on the butt and thighs is seen in a mesmirizing dimple pattern through the fabric.
2. Large, voluminous T-shirts/shirts that are tent-like and unflattering. These usually are worn with leggings or knit pants.
3. Jumpers worn with turtlenecks and tights. These hang in a tubular column from the shoulder, creating a silo effect.
4. Wearing too tight jeans and shirts. With this phenomenon, women get the rounded gut protruding over the low cut jeans. Also known as a Buddha belly. Further, the tight jeans create a "muffin top" on the back and sides. The muffin top is emphasized by the tight shirt, and you can see the strain of the shirt in the small of the back as it is stretched between the flesh pouring over the sides of the waist.
5. Droopy butt. A lovely effect that occurs on Apple shaped women who wear pants that fit in the waist but are too large in the hips and thighs. This is a lovely "full-diaper" effect.

This is a call to arms. If you are a voluptuous woman who commits these fashion crimes, Stop Now! Get help. Call a friend who will tell you the truth. Be fat and fashionable, starting now.

7 comments:

Special K said...

Was at the mall over the weekend and saw leggings with the lace at the bottom that we wore in the Madonna era are back. I also saw Leg Warmers! I remember back in the day having sweaters that came with matching leg warmers. OMG! NO! And skinny jeans are here again. The ones that are so tight at the ankle you can barely get your foot through. I won't be doing any of these again!

Susan said...

I, Susan, have dressed as a silo before thinking it made me look good. Until there was that side profile picture that pointed out the fact I look like the actual side of a barn. I, Susan, will not wear leggings, leg warmers, skinny jeans, jeans with more than 5% spandex or any top that requires me to hold my breath to keep the seams from spliting. I love comfort and can't ditch the sweat pants but I promise to wear them in moderation. It took a lot for me but I gave away my overalls I've coveted for so long two weekends ago - both pair.

If a girls oath is to be taken, I will take it now...I, Susan, do hereby promise to dress appropriately for my age, weight and status in life. I will try not to offend others by showing rolls or the dimply roadmap on my thighs and tushie. I will be a woman with grace and dignity as I venture out into the world and try, try, try not to mock those who don't realize how funny they look.

xoxo

C's Mom said...

I can say nothing, nothing, nothing. My parents are feeding me non-stop and I wear pajamas (hospital scrubs) to work everyday. It is a bad, bad thing :0) Must get back into closet full of beautious too-small clothes...without them being too small that is. I refuse to buy more stuff for myself. I'd rather spend all the dough on the kid! Pathetic, I know.

wzgirl said...

D-Sue, you truly need your own What Not To Wear show - or at least a guest spot on Oprah. I am soooo glad that I cleared things up on my blog about the leggings vs. tights. Phew!!

PS - I'm totally with Julie re: the Audrey Hepburn Skinny Jean thing. Sigh.

Robin said...

Thanks for the laugh. I totally agree that leggings only belong on certain people. I do have to say thought that I appreciate the leggins girls are wearing now under those oh so SHORT denim mini skirts. I shudder when my daughter comes home from college to show me her "new purchase" from A&F. Unless of course, she purchased the leggins to go with it.!!

Shannon said...

What a great read! If only more shops would provide age-appropriate and fashionable larger sized clothing! Those cap sleeve t-shirts of the past few years are still so prevalent. Of course, hating to shop doesn't help! I know...shameful!

Drea said...

First time to your blog! That is hillarious! And, so so true! But...I have to confess that I actually have purchased another pair of those "circa 1984" black tights, but I have to say that I have a few skirts that are on the shorter side which I shouldn't have bought, and don't wear, so in my defense, I bought the leggings to go under those so that I could wear them! But, I do have to say that its a great thing that opaque tights are back in! I must have been a complete fashion faux pas, since I never stopped wearing them! LOL