Cutting Off My Nose

C's mom had her second thyroid surgery today. As of yesterday, we are keeping C and her 13 month baby brother, M while mom recuperates. It's looking like we are going to be the home base for these two for the next two weeks, maybe more. Unfortunately, C's mom doesn't get any support from family or M's father. She has to rely on friends to help her out. B and I debated the issue of keeping him (and being his guardian should something happen) for a long time. It's kind of strange, and many wouldn't understand, but we couldn't say no.

It's not always been easy being a stepmom. From the beginning, I have been hyper-aware of my place. I am not C's mom. Oh, more times than not I call her my "daughter," I don't love her any less, and I discipline regularly just like any parent would. Nevertheless, there have been too many times to count when C's mom would remind me of my place. Over the years, I have been told "no" to requests to take her places, not allowed to spend time with her one-on-one because she "needs to be with a parent," denied access to school activities or parent-teacher conferences, had new clothes returned or destroyed, and received parenting and nutrition magazine subscriptions as gifts so I can "learn and understand" what it's like to be a conscientious parent. No I am not exaggerating. But honestly, I wasn't at all surprised when she asked if we would adopt M if she dies of cancer. Why? Because despite all of her spite, I love her daughter. I always have and I always will. No, I am not the "better" person, and I am positive our animosity toward each other is only on hiatus, I am just a person who will not hurt these children because their mother and I don't get along.

So far, my house looks like a bomb dropped, I have been spit-up on twice, endured a 2 am diaper change, I smell like soy formula and laughed till I cried more than once. It doesn't matter though, because if being with Ruby is half this much fun, we've got it made in the shade.