Back

So, we made it back Saturday from our week-long exile in West Virginia's #1 vacation spot - Myrtle Beach, SC. We were able to be on the ocean or at the pool every day, which is pretty awesome considering it's the beginning of hurricane season.

I won't bore you with the day-to-day itinerary, but will share some highlights:

• Fondue rocks, and we wish heartily we had a Melting Pot near home.
• Beach chairs are great when sitting in the surf watching the waves roll in.
• Sand in your crotch from said beach chair in the surf is not so great.
• Assholes who monopolize the pool, play horseshoes in over your stuff so that it's trampled into the sand, and are drunk (excluding the pregnant-but-I-still-wear-a-string-bikini-to-show-my-stretch marks-and-tramp stamp) by 11:00 am, do not make the best neighbors; we were grateful for the "quiet time" policy.
• Screened-in porches are the best place to watch nighttime thunderstorms over the ocean.
• My mama makes a mean shrimp boil with fresh shrimp, smoked sausage, onion, lemon, corn, new potatoes, and enough spice to slap your grandma. We licked our plates.
• I love having vacation with my parents now that we take separate cars to and from our destinations.
• C is a total chicken and we wasted 50 bucks on a Haunted Adventure attraction.
• Having no access to the Internet is both empowering and crippling at the same time.
• C is a terrible liar. She was caught red-handed (or should I say, 'red-gummed'?) in a super doozie about flossing the gunk out of her nasty-ass red, white and blue braces. This one took a bit of forethought and effort; thus resulting in the wrath of me, and the subsequent "Life is Hell" attitude she unleashed on everyone.
• Sand does bizarre things to your feet, and my pedicurist Jenny cussed me in English and in Vietnamese the entire time she repaired the damage to my soles and polish.

Victim

I work for a private company that contracts with public programs. A little confusing, but it works. Prior to this job, I never had to deal with performance evaluations and merit increases. The state or non-profit company I worked for at the time would do an across the board cost-of-living increase every year or so and everyone got the same thing. Now, I go through a 3 step process that involves self-evaluation, discussion, and eventual merit increase based on performance. I just had my final meeting last week and did better than I expected, so the mood was high when I called the automatic teller to check my direct deposit amount. The AT gave a balance first. I have been a little lax in the checkbook balancing, so I opted to hear the last 10 transactions because I had no idea how much of that balance was my paycheck and how much was left over from last time. Here's what I heard:

Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Direct Deposit 4/19 $$$$$$$ (Did you really think I was going to tell you how much I get paid?)
Withdraw 4/19 23.05
Withdraw 4/19 10.59
Withdraw 4/19 10.59

After the first couple of repeats of, "Withdraw 4/19 10.59," I thought maybe the computer had a glitch. Wrong. I called my local branch and found out that someone used my debit card to purchase copious amounts of memberships to a couple of different online retailers. The bank immediately blocked the card and told me to come in to take care of the paperwork. We discovered that the bulk of the transactions took place with 2 retailers I never use (they shall remain nameless because I will not promote them even negatively). One would think that after 17 purchases on the same day, using the same credit/debit card number, someone would be suspicious. Nope. They pushed them all through.

Between Friday, Saturday, and Tuesday I filled out 35 affidavits for 35 transactions and I am currently waiting for the bank to refund around 400 bucks. Everyone at the bank knows me by name now, due to the serious amount of quality time I spent with Brent, the bank manager. I believe Brent may name his second child after me.

You know what made me the maddest? The fact that the criminal didn't go for the big stuff. Penny-ante shit at 10 or 6 dollars a shot x 35. What a waste of time.

My theory is - If you're going to violate someone, be a real criminal, not a petty thief. At least when you go to jail, you'll have something to brag about.

Idiots! Gosh!

For some reason, it's not often that I experience anger or frustration over a person's ignorance. It may be because for the last 10 years I have worked with people who are oppressed and frequently have their human rights violated by ignorant people in their lives and communities. I think the main reason is because most of the time I just don't give a shit, and because I don't give a shit, a lot of the time I don't pay close attention to what many people are saying.

Well, last night I had no choice. As most of you know, I am in the midst of my doctoral coursework. I talk about it frequently because I am boring and can't talk about work. I only have so much material people! Last night, I was sitting in The Most Boring Class Ever watching Tracy (from my Doc Posse) file her fingernails, and listening to this chafe, J, prattle. She's one of those. You know, those who love to hear themselves talk? This is the second class I have had with this woman and I can't express how grateful I am that I only have one more year to endure her annoying ass. Between J and this other guy who is a former Merchant Marine, no one else can get a word in. It's actually kind of nice on those nights when you just don't feel like being there and contributing.

The topic of last night's J and Merchant Marine dude's discussion was about Goals 2000. Goals 2000 is a lame document put forth in the 1990s that outlines the federal dept of education's goals for the year 2000. One of these goals is about advancement in Math and Science, and touts that the US will be a world leader in M & S education. We haven't met any of the measurable objectives stated in Goals 2000, and we are definitely not the world leaders in M & S education; thus triggering the following, albeit brief, discussion:

Someone, maybe Tracy, asked "Why aren't we? When do you think that will happen?"

J snarkily replied, "When there's no more Asias!" Um, I thought there was only one Asia?

L, another student says, "China only educates the top 1/4th of their population, which is still more than all of the US. The US tries to educate everyone, and is persecuted because achievement scores aren't internationally competitive/high enough." Okay, I am listening, but not offended because I agree with some of what she's saying. NCLB has forced teachers to teach to the test and stifles creativity and critical thinking. Furthermore, only 1% of the special education population is exempt from achievement testing, which skews achievement test results. I understand where she's coming from.

J then says, "We're not comparing apples and apples here! China's standardized tests are so hard, and when they [students] fail, they [Chinese govt] kick them out! They just send them back to the rice paddy or something!"

Yeah, she really did.

After that statement, and the ensuing stunned silence, the instructor quickly moved on to another topic. I just sat there, aghast that someone with her level of education - she's a freaking microbiologist/geneticist could be that stupid. I couldn't say anything because I am too close to finishing to jeopardize my standing and we don't have bail money - we're saving for an adoption. ARGH!

Later, she started talking about her friend's children who attend a local Chinese school saying, "They speak Chinese and everything. They are entrenched in the Chinese culture!" All I could think was, " I wonder, if the student's fail will the administrators make them work a rice paddy in the playground out back? You stupid bitch."